I just had to write this. Easter was the largest ever attendance in the three year existence of the Church that I pastor. GENERATIONS CHURCH of Lubbock, TX. We had the whopping huge number of around 140 (my ushers said, that the drama people were moving around and people were coming in late) which is close enough.
I have been reading tweets from my Pastor friends from Seattle, Las Vegas, and Australia just to name a few. They were all tweeting about Easter attendance and salvation (8800 at one 43,000 at another). Even one church in my own town had over 4500 and they are only one year older than us.
Those numbers are so huge and amazing that I cannot do anything but sit there and stare a the screen and be numb but happy for them.
On some level though I compare myself to them and ask myself . . . What do you think you are doing? Do you even know what you are doing?
HENCE THE PASTOR ENVY!! PLUS FEELING LIKE A TOTAL FAILURE. Comforted with the words I say all the time to my church. "WE ARE NOT WHAT WE USED TO BE AND WE ARE NOT WHAT WE ARE GOING TO BE."
Jesus said, "that He would build His church ". , , ok Lord what is going wrong with ours?
I am getting healed in my mind and my heart. We will take another step in our destiny today. We will not quit. We will not stop. ENVY & ENMITY ARE BOTH NEGATIVE TERMS SO I DECIDE TONIGHT THAT I WILL FORGIVE MYSELF AND AGREE WITH GOD THAT HE IS BUILDING HIS CHURCH.
I know where my heart is tonight and it is healed probably just because I confessed my sin of Pastor envy.
Feeling Better w/ a renewed mind.
1 comment:
Thank you for your transparency! A common question and feeling for those with small churches. Glad to see the enemy did not have his way with you! Keep up the good work!
Maryann (leader in another small church!)
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